As you know I was forced into reading the DaVinci Code, well I finally finished it, it kinda sucked, it was readable but it still sucked. I don't think I would have ever actually read the thing if I wasn't subtly forced too (and didn't have way too much time on my hands). So I read it and I went to see the movie, yes I said it, I went to see the god-damn movie. I can't really justify going to see it, I think it was basically a combination of boredom, entertainment industry inspired zeitgeist and sticking it to the catholic church. Anyway I saw it and here is a brief synopsis:
Evil albino monk shoots guy, guy creates elaborate scavenger hunt while dying, Hanks gets sucked into the hunt (French think he killed guy). Amelie helps him decode the clues, says some borderline cringe worthy material, elude cops instead of explaining themselves. Go to Swiss bank, solve more clues, get a codex containing the secret location of the grail except they don't know the code (No their isn't any Nazi Gold I'm afraid) . End up at crazy Ian McKellen's house, they find out Jesus was married had a kid and Mary Magdalene wasn't a slut, they capture the evil monk. All of them head to England, go too the wrong place, Ian McKellen says "Never trust the French", the butler betrays them, sets monk free, captures McKellen. They Head to West Minster abbey, to Newton's grave, it takes them forever to solve a simple riddle, the code is Apple. Turns out McKellen's the bad guy, Butler dies, Monk dies, bishop Doc Ock lives. They solve the riddle McKellen gets arrested screams about the sacred Magdalene, we find out Amelie is Jesus's descendent. Hanks and Amelie talk metaphysics, chew the fat. Mary Magdalene's body is buried under some pyramid made by I.M. Pei at the Louvre, Hanks cops out and keeps the secret too himself.
The only good thing Ron Howard ever did was Arrested Development, and that was basically just his voice. DaVinci code was watchable but neither innovative nor revisionist, it is doomed to movie of the week status. The only redeeming things were Ian McKellen and the locations. The movie basically was the perfect adaptation of the book: It was an ok, marginally entertaining, waste of time but hardly worth the controversy surrounding it.
