Birth of the Fool

I don't know if anyone has actually noticed this, but the new gatorade ads have a slogan where they say their product is the "rebirth of the cool".

First of all I wonder who the hell are they trying to target with that statement? The mellow jazz listening fiercely competitive demographic? I just don't understand, maybe after listening to a vigorous session of Miles Davis, they suggest you revitalize yourself with some Gatorade.

Secondly how is Gatorade the Rebirth of the cool? Is this beverage following a minimalist aesthetic, is it somehow responsible for a resurgence in bebop and cool jazz? Perhaps this beverage will be responsible for bringing about a artistic change in the composition of sports drinks, a move away from the riskier, energy induced, Dizzy Gillespie inspired trend that Powerade was following.

Oh no, More Morrissey

So I was looking at Morrissey quotes and I came across one he said in the early days
"I don't hate Pakistanis but I dislike them immensely"
Hilarious, it adds a whole new dimension to him albeit racist, which isn't cool but it is funny. I don't condone racism but the sheer fact that he can get away with saying that is pure Britain.

So I had this crazy dream last night, I was watching the new Superman movie and I was really bored because all he was doing was going around saving people from natural occurring accidents and working at the daily planet, I was wondering where Kevin Spacey and Parker Posey were (Lex Luthor and his secretary). I was so restless at this point I left the theater and went to the washroom and when I came back the guy beside me said that I'd missed the entire part Kevin Spacey part. I was so angry, then I thought how does this fuck know which parts Kevin Spacey was in, so I waited and waited and this fucker was right. All Superman did for the rest of the movie was save people from fires. I hope the real movie is better.

We were having a family dinner today and I was talking about the gym, I bring up this story of how it reminded me of that Ron Howard movie about the pods (I couldn't remember it was called cocoon), all of a sudden my Mom shouts out "There was a bunch of old people" she skips like the whole story and I found that hilarious the way related on such a derogatory reference.

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Anyway, other than looking for a job today, which is always fun, I decided I should learn how to play “There is a light that never goes out” by the Smiths. I mean I’m really polar when it comes to the Smiths, it goes from me hearing some Johnny Marr guitar work and thinking their the greatest band ever to me hearing a few too many of Morrissey’s overwrought angst full lyrics and thinking its pure swill. Anyway I was working on learning this song which is actually a little weird when it comes to rhythm and strumming pattern. I’d finally gotten pretty far a long when the all of a sudden I was like what the fuck! There’s a chorus?

I'm really undrestanding why the Queen is Dead is probably their greatest albumn


Anyway I’m watching “Sons and Daughters” now, which is like a watered down version of “Arrested evelopment”. It’s still watchable though and Amanda Walsh is on it and she’s still pretty hot. The main guys pretty funny and I guess the improv is pretty interesting. But it’s lacking the edge that “Arrested Development” had. The more I think about it the sadder I get…

Let me be blunt:

A little piece of me died when I switched to Much More Music and James Blunt was performing “Where’s my Mind”. He had basically burnt down my church and pissed on its ashes all while singing a soft pop ballad.
How can a guy who went into the army sound like such a whiny bitch. And the lyrics! How can you write a song called “You’re Beautiful” and it not be either heavily ironic or depressingly sarcastic.

James Blunt had his chance. I figure he had the ultimate opportunity for redemption when he performed on Oprah.
He could have easily pulled a Costello and changed his entire career path, what I mean by this is:

SNL December 17, 1977
“At the start of his second song, Elvis stopped the band, and they ripped into a completely different song from rehearsal that no one at the show had heard or approved. This led to a quick panic in the control room, but he got to sing "Radio, Radio." Elvis apparently didn't submit the song for approval because he knew that the network would never let him broadcast this diatribe against the corporate media giants such as themselves." This led to a decade of him not being allowed to play on SNL.

If Blunt would have started his “You’re Beautiful” song then switched to a spirited cover of “I Wanna be your Dog” by the Stooges. I would have welcomed him into the Pantheon of Rock. But he’s a boob, he’s too accustomed to following orders, ex-Army and Rock are the absolute antithesis. Essentially he's basically Diet Coldplay and Coldplay is basically Bends era Radiohead minus the teeth.


Let me just say I’ll be glad when this monkey’s gone to heaven.

Let me hear the monkey talk

I love this one.

My Frank Black Heart

Two reasons why I think that Frank Black is a fucking genius:

1. Frank Brack's I tunes playlist contains only one musician: Burl Ives. This reminds me of a story that Frank only owned 5 records when he started the Pixies. I think it's just insane.

2. Frank Black on Where's my Mind? "That came from me snorkeling in the Caribbean and having this very small fish trying to chase me. I don't know why - I don't know too much about fish behavior." How such a trivial thing becomes such an awesome song.

I would also like to say to all those people that think I am being a hypocrite after recent CD Liner Hell posts, they are wrong. I would like to remind you that Oceania is at War with Eurasia. Oceania has Always been at War with Eurasia and allied with Eastasia.

Monkey talk

I wonder what a monkey's interpretation of Neitzsche's eternal return is?

Exodus to Edmonton

Today I went to Edmonton for a job interview, I was completely indifferent to getting the job so my interview went great, only because I didn't give a shit. I think if employers are looking for the best candidate they should look for the most nervous wreck among the bunch... The only real thing that raised my eyebrow was the paycheck... 51 grand a year, plus overtime, because it's a union joint, fuck a duck, for a just out of university job!
Anyway the only real interesting thing that happened was the drive home. I had just left Red Deer and I had stopped at the Doughnut Mill for a Rolo doughnut and a large coffee. I was eating the 'nut as I drove because the coffee was scalding and I was fucking hungry. It was really dark out and there was a heavy fog going. I was traveling my normal highway speed, 155-160, about 50 k over the limit, chewing on the doughnut with one hand and driving with the other.
Anyway, I was grooving along to my I Pod, having borrowed my brothers I Trip, when suddenly Elvis Costello's "My Funny Valentine" started, a song that I detest, I lamely grabbed the wheel with the doughnut hand and decided that I needed some Jane's Addiction to soothe my ravaged ears. I really wanted some "Jane Says" so I focused my attention on the I Pod, I had to do this quick in order to cut off Costello, I sub consciously knew I was driving beside a semi but I really hated this song and I really needed some Jane's Addiction. The fucking pin wheel is so hard to maneuver when you're trying to maneuver a steering wheel and I can't find the song... well the short of it is that I almost died because of other people's inconsiderate nature. Was it Costello for that shitty song? The doughnut store for there irresistible 'nut? The RCMP for not enforcing speed limits and allowing me to fall into bad habits? Steve Jobs and his shitty pinwheel? The sun for rotating far too quickly? The fog for just being there? I don't know, all I do know is that I survived due to my cunning. Survival of the fittest I suppose. It's a real shame that all the parties lack so much responsbility that the combination of this almost cost me my life.

Bloody Holidays

I think that Passover is just another holiday created by the corporate America to steal money from the Jews. If I remember correctly it was invented by the giant conglomerate corporation of sheep breeders and matzo bakers, in order to curb the slow sales season after Hanukkah and before Yom Kippur.

Corporate America disgusts me! I can't believe how Godless they are.

Return I will, to Old Brazil

After half assly looking for jobs in the morning I got bored and decided to go on an adventure... A limewire adventure that is. Soon enough I found myself in Arcade Fire raritie heaven. Here's a list of what I found (man there awesome):

The Covers:

-The Arcade Fire and David Bowie, performing "Wake up", "Life on Mars" David Bowie Cover
-The Arcade Fire and U2, performing "Love will tear us apart" Joy Division cover
-The Arcade Fire, performing "Naive Melody" David Byrne cover
-The Arcade Fire, performing "Age of Consent" New Order cover*
-The Arcade Fire, performing "State Trooper" Bruce Springsteen cover*
-The Arcade Fire, performing "Boys Don't Cry" The Cure cover
-The Arcade Fire, performing "Brazil" Frank Sinatra? cover*

The Originals:

-William Pierce
-Surf City Eastern Block
-Cars and Telephones*
-Sonata
-Goodnight boy
-Cold Wind*
-Intervention*
-The Great Arcade Fire
-Virgin Mary Highway
-Winter For a Year*
-Accidents

*These are the ones that I'm really enjoying, especially intervention. None the less the others are really good too.

Try again tomorrow.. I'm going to kick tomorrow

I unplugged my I Pod while it was upadating (by accident) and it froze. That's when my life changed... there is no way of simply resetting it I have to let it die. It's one of those 60GB ones so the batteries are going to take almost a day to drain.
I am going through I Pod withdrawl and it's hell, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I just want more and I can't have it. I basically know exactly how heroin withdrawl feels like. I'm twitching I'm irritable and I want to die just to end this pain and I think I am in love with Laura Harris from "Dead Like Me".

A History of Shitty Oscar Wins

Well as I was saying in comments on other blogs "Crash" should not have won. It's basically "Do the Right Thing" meets "Magnolia" except it lacks the realism and ethnicity of the former and talented acting and charm of the later. All around it was a melodramatic piece of overwrought trash. I am however not a supporter of Brokeback mountain either. If this year was truly about political statements, Capote should have won. I actually went to see it, despite the main character being a homosexual which would have usually turned me off. What made me see it was the implied humour of the effeminate man visiting a 50's conservative small town, sort of an odd man out premise. This was how the film originally started, humorous through juxtaposition, however when the film got more serious you saw beyond simply the juxtaposition you realize he truly is internally conflicted and not that different from you and I. The scene with the daughter's friend at the house really shows this. However the Oscars shouldn't be about political statements it should be about good movies and the best movie wasn't even nominated. Of course I am talking about "A History of Violence". A film that is truly artfull in all aspects, its pacing, its acting and its perfectly used shock value. Unlike most movies about violence it neither condones or glorifies it, it simply exists and tragically must be solved through more violence, it isn't simple and it is truly artistic in the way it illustrates this. I was very upset when William Hurt lost out to Clooney, I saw both movies and Hurt deserved it for "A History of Violence".
Although, I now have this theory that all really good films never win, I mean think about Scorcese and Kubrick for example they never won Oscars yet they are possibly two of the greatest directors ever. Real good movies often polarize the audiences early on and therefore will never reach unanimous praise at voting time, only long after the awards shows do they truly reach success and only time can wash away the shit like "Crash".

Well I'm just a voice in your PC, telling you no, it's not alright

So anyway this Friday I was looking at job sites for a new job, unfortunately they don’t post too many on Friday’s. Instead I decided to read the entire Franz Ferdinand blog. All the members of the band are utter boobs when it comes to writing blogs, except Alex, who’s writing is oddly compelling, I sat there for almost two hours reading his comments, I don’t know exactly what it was but I was entranced by reading them, here are a few good examples:

Opposite the door of my flat, there’s a corner where a few hookers take turns to turn tricks. Some of them are very friendly. One of them isn’t. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?” she screams at anyone that comes near her. She screams it at me if I open the door, even though I now make sure that I’m looking at the eucalyptus tree, a passing bus, a dog turd or anything but her. I’ve never seen her get picked up, but I wonder if she shouts it at prospective customers. I don’t think they’d like having attention drawn to them. Then again, it may be a bit of a kink for some, being yelled at by a mouthy tart.

In NYC you can dress up as a six foot eyeball and no-one will notice you. A bright red corduroy jacket is pretty tame. Not on Sauchiehall Street. There were plenty of observational comments. “Check that guy’s Jacket!” “Here pal, are you a magician?”I liked that.

Are you a magician?

No. I’m wearing a red Jacket.


Bob went to a part of town where teenagers go on a Sunday and dress up in different outfits. A popular theme is 'raped schoolgirl'. This involves a dishevelled and torn uniform, tousled hair, smeared lipstick and fake blood. They pose for the paedophiles who like to take their photographs.