Lets make the best of the situation...

I see it like this: Eric Clapton's career and music are perfectly paralleled in his hit song Layla. The song starts out like nothing else, fresh, exciting and upbeat. It is both technically smart and has pop sensibilities, it hooks you, it's explosive resonance is similar to Eric Clapton's early career. You're thinking its the greatest song ever much like you're thinking Clapton is the greatest guitarist ever. Then the lyrics end and it goes on and on, trying to impress you with it's technical excellence, but lacking the excitement it started with, much like the middle of Clapton's career. Then finally it just starts repeating itself acoustically or plays some blues variation itself. Also his kid dies somewhere in there too.

What'll you do when you get lonely?

Another dumb Glen Beck comment

Glen Beck's idea to stop the hiring of illegal imigrants is to stop the demand. Holy shit is he serious, wow he uttered something meaningfull. Oh wait, his sollution is to impose extremely strong laws against companies who hire illlegals. Isn't that how we won the war on drugs? Impose strong laws against drug users. You can't curve labour demand by imposing laws Beck, consumers always demand the product no matter the laws on illegal labour and the only reason these illegal immigrants are here is because of a lack of labour supply caused by even more imposed regulations.

To B-Side or not to B-Side?

Well Tom Waits is out with a new CD. I guess it's not so much a new CD, it's supposedly a compilation of Rarities and B-Sides. The problem I have is that B-Sides and Rarities in music are usually not the greatest CDs, more like the leftovers. I did recently buy Bob Dylan's Basment Tapes, which I assume to be similar, I though the Basement Tapes were great. Tom Waits however is an artist in the truest sense of the word and I'm up in the air. I wonder what these songs are like: sloppy second takes? The shit that was so fucked up that the record companies wouldn't let Waits put it on a regular album? Club hits and remixes? I don't know, I'm really up in the air. Is it nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? To die, well, who can say really...

Waits! They don't love you like I love you.

Like Nixon in China... Not!

According to his resume Canadian prime minister Stephen Harper has a master of economics. I often wonder if he threw it out the window when he got elected, because it sure seems like it. I would like to list a few reasons that have led me to believe that Harper should have failed economics:
1. The lack of spreading information; as far as transperancy Harper is horrible. According to recent news, even the communists are quicker at providing information than Canada. An open gouvernment is required for optimal levels of investment, and Stephen Harper isn't providing one.
2. Income trusts, Harper recently changed the structure of income trusts in a suprise move, which is the worst thing to do in an open economy. Suprises, mess with investors views and destroy the gouvernments credibility. If he was truly and economist, he would look at the costs of destroying his credibility and not just the money not being made with more taxes.
3. Needless legislation time, Do we really need to debate same-sex marriage again? Couldn't we be using this time more effeciently, for something productive which might actually benefit are society?
4. Relationship with China. It seems weird that an economist takes such a harsh stance on China, it's as if he has no understanding of Kusnitz curves. Kusnitz curves dictate that as countries industrialize the inequity among the population increases up to a point and then it moves in an opposite direction, this suggests that indutrialization will be the factor that changes China and witholding trade is actually a negative on both countries.

For God sakes Harper Canada doesn't need a brazen hero, it needs an economically sound leader!

I'm feeling fine in the modern age

Friday was the Frank Black concert. I can’t say it was my favorite concert, but it wasn’t that bad either. The problems were essentially twofold, the first being the opening act, an idiot, who goes by the name of the Kentucky Prophet. He was an obese white rapper who seemed to think that self loathing was a skill. Secondly, the venue was horrible, I hate the Mac Hall ballroom, it’s so pathetic. That being said Frank was great, he played most of the hits, and he even played a Tom Waits cover. I thought he should have played something off of Devil’s Workshop or maybe a little more off of Teenager of the Year, that would have taken it from good to great. Anyway here’s the setlist:

Acoustic:
Where is my Mind?
Nimrod's Son
Los Angeles
Wave of Mutilation
Manitoba

Full Band:
Remake/Remodel
Living on Soul
Bullet
I'll be blue
Black Rider
10%er
All my Ghosts
Headache
I Burn Today
I'm not dead (I'm in Pittsburgh)
(Do what you want) Gyaneshwar
Suffering
Johnny Barleycorn
Burnt out rock n' roll
All over the world
Terrible Ways
Raiderman
Horrible Day
Dead Man's Curve
666
Nadine

Encore:
Sing for Joy

The film and the fury: Review of "the Departed"

The Departed is based on a Japanese film which I have not seen, nor do I ever think I will see. I don't think I'm qualified on reveiwing the story or the filming, I can't really compare it to the original, I have no basis. I can't really judge the film but I do have a disgusting knowledge of pop culture and celebrities, therefore I can judge those responsible for another fucking remake, namely the actors and directors.

Martin Scorsese recently compiled a documentary based on Bob Dylan, entitled"No Direction Home". That being said, I think Marty and Bob have a lot in common. They're both what you might call artisits who have attained notarity and success, they both have a heavy influence on the current generation of artists in there respective mediums and they both haven't won an acadamy award for best director.

The problem with "The Departed," sure the movie is alright, hell it's even good... The problem I have is casting. What really put me off was Marty casting Matt Damon and Leo Dicaprio. A bunch of Hollywood hacks.

To compare it to Dylan I would say it's like Dylan hiring a session band for his new album, but instead of getting real artists he hires "Fall Out Boy" to help comunicate his ideas. I feel hiring those two pretty boys he puts an unnessecary degree of seperation up between him and the audience. Believe me, I understand he needs big names in his movies to make the kind of movies he wants but does he think that Leonardo Dicaprio will ever replace Robert DeNiro? What worries me is that since "Gangs of New York" this trend has been getting worse, I'm scared of what's going to happen next, is he going to cast Jessica Simpson?

"Hey, I used to be cool"

How Greenspan was my Valley?

So yeah I was at the Canadian Economic forum. Well it wasn't so much an economic forum as it was Alan Greenspan telling us where th'economies at, all serious and the like. I mean he's a pretty cool guy, he's a musician, he knew Ayn Rand, he saved the world from economic disaster (numerous times)... What I'm saying is he's an interesting person. He actually provided a lot of insight, except for the whole nuclear energy in the oil sands thing, it won't work, you can't transport heat that easy. He also provided his predictions for the housing bubble, and he didn't even imply doom and "fear mongering," how UnAmerican, he said it would only slightly drop and then flatten out. Even cooler was the fact that I met the guy who owns and runs the Elbow River Casino, they were cool giving me some insight into the economies of casinos.

Who by false flattery? Who by Fire?

It's absolutly awfull that all these "artists" think about when they pay tribute too Leonard Cohen is that God Damn Hallelujah song. Leonard Cohen's version isn't even that good. Don't get me wrong Cohen is a God but people are idiots, he has so many good songs: take for example "So Long, Marianne," "Who by Fire" or the "Partisan," but all you hear in Tributes is Rufus Wainwright or Jan Arden playing Hallelujah! One tribute I saw they played hallelujah twice! I think it is absolutely disrespectfull to such a gifted songwritter. It's like the only song they have ever heard of his isn't even his version it's a cover by Jeff Buckley!

How to excel

Well I learned a hard lesson today:
"Excel isn't stupid, you are."
It's a sad truth of the universe, excel can probably do what you want only you don't know how to do it.

Rock and Roll Suicide

Rock is officially dead. I got home from the gym today and my mom was watching Rock Star Supernova. This show is nailing the coffin shut on rock and roll. First of all the set asthetic of dark rock clothes, tight pants and dyed black hair is so hackneyed. The judges themselves are so far from relevent or cutting edge that most of them are pobably one step away from golden oldies. Lastly the crowd, Jesus Christ they look so forced like there all getting paid to blindly follow some "rockstar" who hasn't even proven themself with an original song or album. There basically cheering for some corporate schill who is the epitome of Rock and Roll.
Also something that bothered me was the fact that these people are all trying to be a lead singer yet one of them chooses a Talking Heads song to showcase there vocal talent. Are they out of there fucking mind?

Gender rolling with the punches

Today at the office I accidentally almost went into the women's washroom five times. How is this possible you ask? It's because the stairs are right beside the god-damn women's washroom and it's oh so easy to mix the two up. One time I even began to push open the door! Seriously the architect must have been a man hating bitch who's only drive in life is too embarrass men.

Quizno's new Slogan

QUIZNO's

Of Course we think we're better than you!

Now flavored with pretension and added gall

This is the way I see it:

Subway = proletariat

Quizno's = bourgeoisie

Hung up...

So I had this dream I was at a Madonna concert, not that I particularly like her or her music but the person I was with seemed to like her, so I feigned an interest. Anyway I got bored during the concert and decided to start reading my book, when all of a sudden Madonna comes off the stage and grabs my Kurt Vonnegut book, gives me a pissy look and signs the inner cover. I was disgusted, my book was ruined.

On a minor note I started my job today.

Back in Black

Guess who's coming to Calgary? Frank Black! I was so suprised, I found out in a news paper article, it was basically about the Dixie Chicks, but in the last paragraph it said he was coming. I'm so anxious, I wonder what he's going to play? How much of his back catalogue? Old Catholics stuff, maybe even Pixies material? who knows.

War what is it good for?

Absolutely Nothing? In my quest to be as pragmatic as possible I came up with a list of things that war could, indeed, be considered good for:
1) Wealth redistribution
2) Darwinian improvment on societal population
3) Population stabalization
4) Increased technical innovation

But can YOU treat it like an oil well?

Apparently Stephen Colbert is at war with Wikipedia. I've gone totally swiss on this, neutral baby. I'm really pragmatic, sure Wikipedia has the possibility of creating a disstored reality and a tyranny of the majority, but it's also a very efficient system for distributing information creating a limitless amount of information that is also entirely free. It's difficult to choose sides in the conflict... Well at least it's more interesting than that Lebanon war, that's soo yesterday.
Living in my air conditioned world I feel like I'm once removed from reality... is it really that hot? I'm somewhat skeptical. I might leave my house to find out, maybe.
I also hear according to many news sites that Armegedon is comming, what's wrong! Is the catholic church low on numbers? I guess this is a good time for recruitment, there are plenty of wars going around, it's apparently really hot and the networks aren't going to pass up a sweet chance for some fear mongering.

The Four Horseman

Me at my most Silver Anti-Semitic

Yes the Silver Jews, I'm fine with real jews but not the band. Sure I've never heard any of their songs and I'm pretty sure that also makes me ignorant, but I can't handle Stephen Malkmus waisting his time on a college experiment - vanity project. I just want a Pavement only world, not one controlled by Silver Jews. Pavement POWER!

Jesus "Passion of the" Christ, I am beggining to sound like MEL GIBSON!

And Moscow girls make me sing and shout

My admiration for microsoft is much like the old Russian widows reminiscing of Stalinist Russia. I mean sure Microsofts Iron grip on operating systems paralleled that of Stalin's reign in much more ways than I feel comfortable describing. But for all of Microsoft's purging and shady coercion, they had their "5 year" plans and turned there system into an accessible and capable system much like Stalin turned Russia into an industrialized nation. My purchasing an I-Pod is much like the Russians purchasing levis jeans as the whole communism thing started to fall apart, sure it's a betrayal but come on how could I not? it's not the same motherland I suffered for.

In other news I am in love with Feist, both as a musician and a woman, she isn't Hollywood pretty, but she's reality pretty, and I'm not a prize pony myself. I could see myself helping the kids out of their coats... but wait the babies haven't been born. Her music is both hip and innovative and her voice is haunting and sublime, wowee zowee.

Hugh F#$*king Jackman

There's something wrong with the world today and I don't know what it is.

Well actually I do know what it is: It's the fact the Hugh Jackman is in the top 3 movies I want to see. These movies are the following:

The Prestige: Victorian England two magicians (Jackman and Bale) compete against one another in this Christopher Nolan film. They do some crazy magic shit, Scarlett Johanson and Micheal Caine are also in it, but best of all David Bowie plays actual historical figure Nikola Tesla.
Scoop: Woody Allen's new film, need I say more. Scarlett Johanson is in it also, I think her and Woody investigate a Tarot Card serial killer played by Hugh Jackman, comedic hijinks ensues.
The Fountain: The new Darren Aronofsky film, in which Jackman is some type of immortal who keeps trying to save his wife from dying in exotic time periods, such as Spain 1700, Modern day and fuck knows when in the future. Needless to say comedic hijinks ensues... well actually I hope not.

Anyway it's not that I hate Hugh Jackman, Hell I love X-men 2, but I don't know if I need to see him in every fucking movie this fall, he's going to pull a Jude Law and force me to hate him because I am sure not all of these movies will be good. He's walking a fine line...

Must it be? It must be!

It must be. I think there are two people in this world, those who think they are cool, and those who have read "the Unbearable Lightness of Being," and know they are cool. I think in the last part of the twentieth century it was the defining book. Both philisophical and literally beautifull, it conveys a message that becomes continually more valid as time progresses, creating both ideas that stick in your head long after you read the novel and questions about how exactly you should go about living your life in the enlightened age. Veritable guidelines for free thinkers and those smart enought to read it.

But can you fake it, for just one more show?

I feel like I am in crazy land sometimes. It seems weird that no one else hears the similarities both lyrically and musically in the songs "Cry Baby Cry" off the Beatles' White Album and the song Stumbeline off the Smashing Pumpkins' Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness album. I mean the songs are so close like it some type of Coragan homage, but whenever I mention this too anyone they dismiss it like I'm some kind of schizophrenic John Nash theorist, but it's true Jaheseus Christ it's true!

Why I don't hate Rachel McAdams

I was watching some T.V. and I noticed that in the movie "The Family Stone" Rachel McAdams was wearing a Dinosaur Jr. T-shirt. I thought this was awesome, an actress who is not only attractive but likes good alternative music (not shit like the Killers and Coldplay). I mean I wouldn't be surprised if she liked New Order or Radiohead, but Dinosaur Jr. isn't chick friendly melodic rock, it's got a serious edge too it, implying that Rachel herself has an edge. I also heard rumors that she went to some of there live shows, proving that it isn't only a wardrobe coincidence. From now on she is officially cool in my books, which isn't an easy feat. Now all I have to do is run over her boyfriend with my car.

In the time of my ruin

So my mom came into my room today to drop off some ironed shirts and I was playing the New Frank Black CD, "Fast Man, Raider Man," and she says "Who is this? I quite like it" and I burst out into laughter and say, "you obviously aren't listening to the lyrics." The song playing was "If your poison gets you." Priceless, my mom thinks she likes Frank Black!

Every song's a comeback

On Wenesday Wilco came to town. I neither got drunk nor stoned to see them and it was still a fucking blast. It was crazy, Tweedy proved to be quite the comedian, talking about his narcotics karma, the humming bird dance, oil and getting their shit together. He had apperently fucked up his legs and he did this absolutely hilarious messed up dance in what looked like ski boots. Here is the setlist:

1. Handshake Drugs
2. new song (Impossible Germany)
3. I Am Trying To Break Your Heart
4. Muzzle Of Bees
5. A Shot In The Arm
6. At Least That's What You Said
7. Jesus, Etc.
8. Walken
9. Airline To Heaven
10. Forget The Flowers
11. Hummingbird
12. Theologians
13. War On War
14. Kingpin
15. I'm The Man Who Loves You
Encore 1:
16. Misunderstood
17. Wishful Thinking
18. Spiders (Kidsmoke)
Encore 2:
19. Heavy Metal Drummer
20. The Late Greats
21. Monday

Anyway it was crazy. It was good that he didn't play "I'm a wheel" but it was bad that he didn't play "Hell is Chrome" or "How to Fight Loneliness". Still it was well worth the admission, it has to be on my top 5 concerts list.

When all you got is hurt...

For the longest time I was always mixing up John Hurt and William Hurt. Today I decided to do a comparison of the two actors in order to help myself and mankind forever know the difference between the two actors.


William <----> John

John Hurt (British, 66 years old) 91 movies
William Hurt (American, 56 years old) 61 movies

According to Rotten Tomatoes: Worst film
John: Lost Souls
Will: The Proposition (No, not the new John Hurt movie)
Overall average rating of their films according to rotten tomatoes:
John: 61%
Will: 66%

Some of their best, according to me:
John: Alien, 1984, Elephant Man, Watership Down, Midnight Express
Will: History of Violence, Alice, Accidental Tourist, Kiss of the Spider Woman, Children of a Lesser God

Recent Film I've seen:
John: V for Vendetta
Will: Syriana

Total WTF they were in that movie:
John: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Will: Lost in Space

Spiders are filling out tax returns

Never again.

I can no longer drink like a fiend. I will no longer drink more than 3 or 4 drinks in one night, period. I made this decision after Saturday night when I acted the fool. No longer will I be the joke at the bequest of the spirits. I think I remember a fair amount of the night but unfortunately I don't remember enough, apparently I did shitty impressions, yelled about Pavement and quoted Lawrence of Arabia way too much.

In a way I feel like Spiderman. Apparently Brandon got a firework in the ear and I feel that if I wasn't so drunk and being an Idiot I could have saved him. Essentially he is Uncle Ben and I am Peter Parker. I was being an ass hole, but no more, never again. There is great responsibility that comes with great power and now I know that, all too well. No longer will I be the drunk fool on this stage of life.

Gula

Well today we restablished the traditional gluttony binge at Joey's Only. (For those who don't know, Joey's Only Seafood Restaurant engages in the practice of offering all you can eat Fish Dinners on tuesday which certainly verge on fufilling the cardinal sin of gluttony.) We usually have a competition involving who can eat the most peices of fish. There are no rules, except for the ones established by the restaraunt they involve no sharing or taking home fish, none of which effect our competition. There are no rules for the competition (other than you must eat the entire fish and there is no counting of fractions). There is however generally excepted strategies these include:
1. Never eat the french fries, they fill you up way faster and don't count.
2. Never drink too much pop it fucks up the equilibrium in your stomach
3. Alternate on toppings and don't use too much tartar sauce
4. Pace yourself
5. Save the lemon for the end
If you follow these rules you can at least make it to 5 peices, if you are a normal and reasonably fit humanoid.
Today I made it to 7, this was pretty good not a record but then again we haven't done this for a while I need to get my stomach back to capital vice state, then I can finally go hog wild.

When the day is done

Yesterday amounted to almost nothing. Sure I looked for a job for a while but here is all the other things I did.
1. Cheated on an online movie quiz
2. Looked up the definition for Twee Rock
3. Listened to Belle and Sebastian and tried to figure out if in fact they were twee
4. Tried to learn how to play a Belle and Sebastian song on guitar
5. Tried downloading an old Built to Spill album
6. Watched the last half hour of "the Birds," I had given up watching it on Monday I thought it was too morose, but then again it is Hitchcock
7. To cheer me up I decided to watch an Ingmar Bergman film. Fanny and Alexander was on, it was 3 hours and 8 minutes long, It was spectacular.

Factoring with zeroes

So I've been thinking a lot about O'Reilly lately. I thought recently that "My Sweet Sixteen" the show on MTV was the worst thing on T.V., but now I've come to realize, it is in fact the O'Reilly factor that is the worst thing on television. I mean sure "sweet 16" shows kids in the "age of entitlement" but O'Reilly is worse he himself is intentionally distorting reality for his viewers. I think it is detrimental to society, I can see him one day arguing that 2+2=5 and then eventually getting his viewers to believe that and then eventually society as a whole will believe it. I wouldn't hold it past him. He would say we are all entitled to our own beliefs at first when questioned about it and then take it further and further, belittling his guests with manipulative psychological tricks in order to get people to one day agree that 2+2=5.

World Cup Ambivalence!

For a long time I forgot why I hated profesional soccer. With the world cup being back in full swing I remeber why. Soccer is a game where everyone fakes any kind of injury, it is lamentable. Someone will be hit in the leg fall over in seetning pain, like their career has just been ruined, then seconds after a penealty is called they will be running faster than the flash on a crystal jag.

The one redeeming thing about soccer is the fact that it makes me feel better. I always cheer for the African teams, I feel like I am doing my part to help that part of the world by cheering for them. It gives me a sense moral superiority, that I am not some xenophobic chauvanisitc prick, that I can cheer for the greater good. Cheer away, aids, starvation and whatever other mortifying problems they have over there, without actually donating money or really thinking about it.

Kid A (the secret way)

I read somwhere that if you play Radiohead's album Kid A on two seperate sources at 17 seconds apart from each other it will create a very intresting soundscape. Almost like a little album secret. I was sceptical at first but having heard it... holy shit is it cool. I mean certainly there was some shitty moments where it didn't work but most of the time it sounded fucking awesome, vocals followed each other in a weird and intresting way and sounds built on each other creating an entirely new version of the song. I recomend it to anyone.

Wikipedia gem

This is a exert from wikipedia's article on the term Joycean:

"A text is deemed Joycean when it is reminiscent of the writings of James Joyce, particularly Ulysses and whatever portion of Finnegans Wake the person using the word has actually read."

I love that wikipedia, being what it is, can contain sublime humor that a normal encylopedia cannot.

Mission Accomplished

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is dead, victory is all but inevitable in Iraq.

In honor of us turning the corner in Iraq I've posted this comic:

Not too Keane

Using my skills of logic from university...

Premise: Coldplay stole a lot of there musical styling from Radiohead
Premise: Coldplay are not very good crooks, their music sucks
Premise: Keane has often been cited as ripping off Coldplay
Premise: Keane are good crooks
Conclusion: Keane's music sucks

If that is not enough here is a link to there myspace account, to hear said "music."

As if there pop music isn't pretensions enough they wrote a little something about their album in case the music itself fails to convey the message they want it too:
"In making this record we tried to confront all our worst fears, to ruthlessly scrutinize ourselves, our relationships with each other, with other people, and with the world at large, and to make a journey into the darkest places we could find. It made for an incredibly intense atmosphere during the writing and recording of the album, and the resultant music very much reflects that. In the songs we created a kind of sinister fairytale-world-gone-wrong, a feeling of confusion and numbness represented by a dark place under an impenetrable iron sea."
In case you were wondering there album is entitled "Under the Iron Sea." I guess it's somewhere only they know.
I mean people will call Radiohead pretensions but seriously as far as relativity, there relatively unassuming.

Holy Crusade Against Islam, Batman!

So CNN and other news companies have been running this story that Batwoman is a lesbian. Which I think is ok, great, whatever, I mean a superhero with homosexual tendancies what a shocker. The problem is that this is the BIG Story of the week that every media facet is covering, while ignoring other more imporatant stories, like say the intentional murder or Iraqi civilians by US troops. I would rant about this masacre more and compare the two stories in an ironic blog title but honestly I don't know anything really about it, all I seem to know is that that Batwoman likes Xena, Home Depot and sexual realtions with women. Maybe with a few more stories like this I won't need to know anything about Iraq, or maybe the media should out celebrities and famous figures whenever there are problems abroad (I should be in politics).

Cinematic Salvation

So recently I have been seeing some pretty shitty movies in theaters... well not any more I've been saved!.. well I mean I've still been seeing more shitty movies in theaters but I have also been watching Martin Scorcese movies which are fucking awesome. I've seen two as of late and they are:

1. Raging Bull, I actually got it for Christmas but only watched it now. It's an awesome story of violence, love and the destructive power of these emotions when mixed. Both Bob DeNiro and Martin Scorcese were on top of their games, with this one. The basic synopsis is Jake LaMotta prepares for fight, losses control of his emotions, violence ensues, destroys relationships and eventually wins fight, for the entire movie repeat about 5 or 6 times. Then Jake LaMotta gets fat and is alone, the end. Still a very powerfull movie. It follows almost a classical tragic narrative that is very Shakespearian in essence. Throughout the movie I detested, pitied and admired LaMotta the character was really brought to life.

2. The Last Temptation of Christ, it's basically the story of Christ but modified, like the Bible. The main differences are he doesn't rebuild the temple in 3 days, he builds crosses and he gets tempted by the devil at the end to live a normal life as a womanizing rube filled with simple joys, like sex and babies and not thinking. David Bowie plays Pilate and he is sublime. I guess there was a lot of undeserved protesting of this movie, I thought it was a little too preachy. Although still thought provoking Scorcese created a character that was both divine and human, his humanity caused him continual struggle yet his divinity (and his humanity?) finally forced him towards self sacrifice. It was pretty good although, it didn't change my perspective on organized religion. It also seemed like something was missing...

Somewhere around Barstow..

Has the end of TV season made me a better person?
Reasons for:
1. I'm trying new things, by accident I converted the Yeah Yeah Yeah's song Maps into a country ska hyperballad. Ska in the way I arranged the "new" chords and country in the way I was playing the solo. I also found the coolest voice to sing it in, it's my Mickey Mouse impression taken down an octave and layered with existential longing. I don't know good or bad or weird?
2. I am running 8k every day instead of 5K.
3. I have finally created the ultamite gym workout routine

Reasons Against:
1. I have taken up watching too many movies, I don't know if that is as bad as T.V. but I assume that lying on the couch and screaming out quotes from "Raging Bull" while shaking feverishly isn't good.
2. I have yet to implement this ultamite gym workout, it is still on paper.
3. I've become too Douglas Coupland-esque in my outlook on life, but what worries me the most is that it's only steps away from becoming Brett Easton Ellis-esque.

I wonder what it is good, bad or ugly?
"he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man." -Dr. Johnson



P.S. If anyone has read the new Doug Coupland book JPod, I would really like to hear from them, so send me an e-mail.

King of the Road

The energy crisis and Mad Max. When I originally saw this film I had no idea that there had been an energy crisis, let alone that this film had been made during the 1979 energy crisis. Seeing this film again recently, I realised it's actually a very smart allegory on this energy crisis and the fears and "malaise" associated with the recession. Not only is it a cool and original action film but it also carried a message and that message was "This is the only good Mel Gibson movie you will ever see."

I Can't Stand up for falling down

So I saw X-Men (last stand) last night, at midnight, technically I guess it was today. It was such a let down: they had no pacing whatsoever and it all seemed contrived, like a bad attempt at imitatitng the previous ones. Wolverine was such a pussed out version of himself, Anna Paquin was utterly wasted, so was Mystique and the ending verged on utter melodrama. There was nothing really good about it and all I got out of it was a headache. What a way to end a good series, the only two funny lines were 1. Mystique: "That's my slave name" 2. Somebody yelled out in the audience after Storm says "The school stays open," "Yay" the whole audience proceeded to laugh.

After a storm, there must be a calm...

The king of ska is gone but not forgotten. Renowned ska artist Desmond Dekker died thursday of a heart attack at 64. I suppose this begs the question, Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty four?

Honestly this is the guy who got me into ska, not Sublime or the Specials, Desmond Dekker! Although I thought he was already dead, he will be sorely missed.

I'm LOST at sea, don't bother me.

I think my theory about LOST is falling apart, slowly but surely. In all honesty it wasn't a great theory anyway. My idea was that Sawyer was pulling a really long and thought out con in order to steal Hurley's money (and possibly Claire's baby). This is probably not the case. My top four questions about LOST right now are:

1. What the fuck is up with the beard, seriously is that some plot joke?
2. Why was the station/hatch at the others camp a fake?
3. Judging by the size of that statue they would need a lot of stone, how come no one has found a quary yet?
4. Was Henry Gale not wearing any shoes? Do people wear shoes on the island? I can't remember, it seems like they should.

I don't know about the finale, I wish that some of the plot was solved, instead they didn't solve anything and just brought up more fucking problems. I guess they solved some metaphysical ones but those don't count. I can't remember half the mysteries anymore and I think that's what the writter's want because neither can they.

Lindsay Lohan, smarter than you think?

So what do renowned authors Salman Rushdie and Gabriel García Márquez have in common with Lindsay Lohan?
Their work's often have elements of magical realism.

What is magical realism you ask? In it's most simple terms it is a genre in which magical elements appear in an otherwise realistic setting.

Off hand it could be said that Lohan's movie choices contain magical realism by chance, that she has no agenda in choosing these films, however I beg to differ, their frequent occurence suggests that she in fact selects these films in order to make a point. Examples of this intended selection are films like "Herbie the love bug", "Freaky Friday" and the recent film "Stroke of Luck" (or whatever the hell it's called). As Mr. Marquez once stated "My most important problem was destroying the lines of demarcation that separates what seems real from what seems fantastic" but analysing her films, this could have just as easily been uttered by Lohan. She like Rushdie and Marquez seeks to describe her reality and comunicate it as an artist. She through her own choices in films, tries to describe and comunicate her world, and she feels the best way to do so is through the use of magical realism as a genre. Like Rushdie using physical transformations in the chracters to describe mental states and alienation in the Satanic Verses, Lohan uses character switching in "Freaky Friday", to describe the human condition and the weight of the ego. So next time you think of her as the next Tara Reid burnout, remember her contributions to the magical realism genre.

Summer movie madness

I am not proud of saying this but don't judge me, there is extenuating circumstances...
As you know I was forced into reading the DaVinci Code, well I finally finished it, it kinda sucked, it was readable but it still sucked. I don't think I would have ever actually read the thing if I wasn't subtly forced too (and didn't have way too much time on my hands). So I read it and I went to see the movie, yes I said it, I went to see the god-damn movie. I can't really justify going to see it, I think it was basically a combination of boredom, entertainment industry inspired zeitgeist and sticking it to the catholic church. Anyway I saw it and here is a brief synopsis:

Evil albino monk shoots guy, guy creates elaborate scavenger hunt while dying, Hanks gets sucked into the hunt (French think he killed guy). Amelie helps him decode the clues, says some borderline cringe worthy material, elude cops instead of explaining themselves. Go to Swiss bank, solve more clues, get a codex containing the secret location of the grail except they don't know the code (No their isn't any Nazi Gold I'm afraid) . End up at crazy Ian McKellen's house, they find out Jesus was married had a kid and Mary Magdalene wasn't a slut, they capture the evil monk. All of them head to England, go too the wrong place, Ian McKellen says "Never trust the French", the butler betrays them, sets monk free, captures McKellen. They Head to West Minster abbey, to Newton's grave, it takes them forever to solve a simple riddle, the code is Apple. Turns out McKellen's the bad guy, Butler dies, Monk dies, bishop Doc Ock lives. They solve the riddle McKellen gets arrested screams about the sacred Magdalene, we find out Amelie is Jesus's descendent. Hanks and Amelie talk metaphysics, chew the fat. Mary Magdalene's body is buried under some pyramid made by I.M. Pei at the Louvre, Hanks cops out and keeps the secret too himself.



The only good thing Ron Howard ever did was Arrested Development, and that was basically just his voice. DaVinci code was watchable but neither innovative nor revisionist, it is doomed to movie of the week status. The only redeeming things were Ian McKellen and the locations. The movie basically was the perfect adaptation of the book: It was an ok, marginally entertaining, waste of time but hardly worth the controversy surrounding it.

Supergrass, then and now

According to the music press, supergrass fucked up bad or in the most moderate of terms, matured. A lot of people do not like their new album Road to Rouen, they feel it is not the same Supergrass they had come to love, this mature sound is now more pensive and heartrending.

I do not feel this way, I love the new album. I for one had never conciously heard a Supergrass album before this, so I was unaware of their experimental and fun music. Hearing this album, specifically "Low C" and "St. Petersburg," was a moody and cathartic experience and it plucked on my fucking heart strings, it was a worn down, weathered sound. I applaud Supergrass for their change in style, optimistic fun only works for a while until you realize how truly cruel and sadistic this world really is.

This show will be the death of us all

The real world, yes the real world.
As I am a Canadian, you may know, we just recently picked up MTV, which is like a pandora's box (minus the Hope) and I was addicted to there blasé emptiness and deadpan irony, but it got old quick, all but the Real World. What can I say, I am fucking addicted, I understand that most people are fed up with Real World, but honestly this is my first time watching it and it's amazing. The show is so realistic and yet fake at the same time, of course there are some scripted elements but there is a certain foreboding reality to it that just scares me, as though this is what we have become as a society souless machines and emotional time bombs consumed by either sex or mind numbing chemicals. I have yet to see something that would contradict this decent into emptiness, I feel for Paula, at least she has problems that are larger than simply sex and drinking.

Music stuff

I can't believe there was a time in which I could actually listen to a Magic Numbers song. Fuck they are so annoying, their pop is so light that it should just float away. Oh, I heard some David Bowie news, apperently he hasn't been doing anything for a while just sitting around the house watching movies, one day he watched 3 Woody Allen movies, that is the fucking life.

Trapped in New York

I'm trapped. Not literally of course, but I am in a predicament. My parents came home from Texas with a copy of the DaVinci Code. They already have a copy but have leant it to someone else. Working on two absolutely ludicrous assumptions, they believe that 1. I wanted to read the book and 2. That I really wanted to see the movie. Neither of these have a grain of truth. I am well aware of Mr. Brown's writting and his popularity, however I don't really like books where you don't have to think about what you're reading. I think it's the equivalent of watching some detective show on T.V. entertaining but fruitless.
So I am stuck in this situation where I have to appease my parents for purchasing this book as a gift. The best solution I came up with is to read through it as fast as possible, conveying to my parents that I am very interested in the novel, while also allowing myself to return to reading Midnight's Children as soon as possible. I made it 150 pages into the novel in two days, which is suprising I never ususally read that fast. It's amazing how my contempt for Mr. Brown's work has allowed me to read so quickly. It may also be because the novel was written at a grade six level and goes into details that are covered in any rudimentary art class. I have never even had to reread a single line, and I feel like I am better than the author because I know most of the details which he feels he needs to delve into. For a book obsessed with codes and hidden meanings it is suprisingly pulpish.

Coming up Rose's

Last night Salman Rushdie was on Charlie Rose and I had to watch it. It got very political, Salman was being the interviewer and interviwing a Jewish writter and a Nicaraguan writter. I don't know where Charlie Rose went, he hasn't been on recently. Salman kinda pissed the jewish guy off because he kept brining up political ideas and the jewish writter wanted to talk about writting. One thing I must say though, Mr. Rushdie is very articulate and very well read.

I also have a interview with him and David Cronenburg

Who ever said Matthew McConaughey was a good actor?

I hate how something so subjective becomes fact. A lot of people don't like Matthew McConaughey, I am fairly indifferent to him. I honestly don't know much about him. As far as an actor though, he's awfull. What I really don't like however is people saying he was, in his early years, a good actor. People assume because he played a charismatic version of himself in Dazed and Confused that he is a good actor. Sure I'll admit he is charismatic, but so was Hitler, basically Matthew McConaughey = Hitler. I don't like how people are easily swayed by an interesting character played by a charismatic bafoon, he isn't and neverwas a good actor, he steals attention away from other good actors by being his stupid self, "hey, look at me I don't wear deodarent I just smell that good, everyone smell me". Saying he used to be a good actor is an atrocity.

Various Things.

I somehow convinced myself that eating 7 day old sushi was a great idea. I was wrong, dead wrong. I think I am in the early stages of food poisoning.

I saw the Wes Anderson American Express comercial it was awesome, he's awesome. Better than DeNiro cashing in on Sept 11th at least.

I was listening to new Radiohead demos from their new album. It's pretty fucking good, even if it is unplugged and just bare bones, Radiohead knows how to write a song.

I finally found Dinosaur Jr.'s 3rd disk "Bug." My Dad was going to get it for me for Christmas, he couldn't find it. I don't think he looked hard enough, it's almost emotionally damaging, but I kinda set myself up to be let down.

I want to see that "When the wind blows" cartoon. It looks so sad, I really need some catharsis... from a cartoon. I also want to see that Plague Dogs film and Watership Down again.

Cox Conspiracy, chapter 2

As I was saying earlier, I believed there to be a conspiracy associated with Brian Cox leaving/being dropped from the Chronicles of Narnia film and now I have some proof. I said earlier that the reports mentioned Brian Cox left due to scheduling differences, however I have an article that mentions he was actually cut out of the film. The article mentions he didn't sound right and specifically he didn't have the strength and kindness. This is obviously a cover up, if anyone has seen a Brian Cox movie they will know he has strength in his voice and if they have seen enough of his movies they will know there is an underlying kindness. How could you not say he doesn't sond like an omnipotent being, somethings just plain odd about that. I am going to do some more research into this.

Things to look forward too:

- Looks like SNL is planning to do an all comic episode, it's going to be awesome, it's the only really funny thing on SNL anyway... SNL PRESENTS THE BEST OF TV FUNHOUSE APRIL 29, the best part is Ace and Gary are the hosts, only hilarity can ensue. I am seriously taping this bad boy.

- Brian Cox is in the new Zodiac Killer movie

- New Radiohead album is coming soon, I can feel it.

How does it feel?

I recently decided that there is a mourning period in which all Joy Divsion fans must go through before they can appreciate New Order. If you start off as a fan of Joy Division, probably by hearing "She's Lost Control" or "Love Will Tear us Apart," you will start off with a natural bias towards New Order because of the history. Speaking from experience you will feel that New Order and it's fans are destroying the memory of Ian Curtis by turning his clinical, angstfull and melancholic songs about life into marginally more optimistic fare. I went through a period where I would change the channel or station everytime I heard one of their songs and even bad mouthing a clerk at HMV for asking me if I thought the new New Order CD was awesome when I bought "Unknown Pleasures" (the quintessential Joy Division Album). Anyway I finally overcame this when I bought Power Corruption and Lies, an older New Order Album, to speak modestly it altered the way I percieve reality. Oh and by the way, their newer stuff still sucks shit.

News from 'Cross the breeze

This years selections for the library of congress national recording registry was posted recently and suprisingly one of my favorite albums was included. Which album you implore? Well it's Sonic Youth's Daydream Nation. I can imagine that there must be a teenage riot going down in D.C. right now. But seriously the mainstream is finally recognizing how cool Sonic Youth is, does that ruin some of their appeal?

Here's what Congress said:
"Pioneer members of New York City's clangorous early 1980s No Wave scene, Sonic Youth are renowned for a glorious form of noise-based chaos. Guitarists Thurston Moore and Lee Ranaldo had previously performed with Glenn Branca's large guitar ensembles, and their alternative guitar tunings and ringing harmonies attest to this apprenticeship. On Daydream Nation, their third album, the group's forays into outright noise always return to melodic songs that employ hypnotic arpeggios, driving punk rock rhythmic figures and furious gales of guitar-based noise. Bassist Kim Gordon's haunting vocals and edgy lyrics add additional depth to the numbers she sings."

Modigliani and Me

While rumaging through my vast collection of art work, I came across a portrait that Modigliani had painted of me. I decided to post it for everyone to enjoy.

Obligatory Tom Waits

I love Tom Waits quotes, here is one reagrding the last time he had "fun".

“I don’t have fun. Actually, I had fun once. In 1962. I drank a whole bottle of Robitussin cough medicine and went in the back of a 1961 powder-blue Lincoln Continental to a James Brown concert with some Mexican friends of mine. I haven’t had fun since. It’s not a word I like."

BERTUZZI 07

This is a joint idea for a great new game for X-box 360. As we all know, Gretzky has his own Hockey Franchise game. My idea is Todd Bertuzzi's own game. This game would be all about the hits... career ending assault hits.
New Features include:
- Hit meter and combos culminating in career ending hits. (Similar to finishing moves from Mortal Combat)
- Ref option is permenately toggeled off
- Mini games including Disciplinary Hearings and Teary Eyed press confrences.
In Stores Soon!